The Hidden Harm in Saying a Woman “Looks Great for Her Age”
By someone who’s 38, figuring it out, and tired of the BS.
Let me start with this: I know you meant it as a compliment. You tell a woman she looks amazing for her age, and you probably think you’ve made her day. Maybe you even have made her day. I’ve definitely smiled politely through a few of those moments myself.
But lately, those five little words have started to bother me. Like, really bother me.
I’m 38. Not old. Not young. Just… me. And as I’ve started noticing more fine lines, more changes in my skin, more reminders that I’m no longer 25, I’ve also started to notice the way people talk about women and aging. And let me tell you—it’s weird out there.
The Unspoken Comparison
When you say someone “looks great for her age,” you’re not just saying she looks great. You’re saying she looks better than what you’d expect someone her age to look like. Which begs the question: What should she look like? Tired? Wrinkled? Faded?
That little phrase carries a quiet but powerful judgment. It tells us there’s a baseline for women—a ticking clock after which we’re supposed to become invisible, less beautiful, less valuable. And if you happen to look “young for your age,” congratulations. You’ve defied the odds.
It’s a subtle compliment with sharp edges.
“You never know what someone has done to look the way they do—and that’s the danger.”
But We Don’t Know What’s Behind the Face
Here’s where it gets even trickier: We don’t know what someone may or may not have done to look the way they do. Maybe it’s sunscreen and sleep. Maybe it’s Botox and filler. Maybe it’s genetics, or diet, or a great filter. Maybe it’s all of the above—or none of it. The truth is, we can’t tell anymore. And that’s exactly the problem.
In a world where medspas are on every corner, “preventative” Botox is starting in women’s twenties, and injectables are marketed as casually as getting your nails done, the bar for what natural aging looks like is disappearing fast.
So when we praise someone’s appearance without context, saying they “look amazing for their age,” we risk holding everyone else to a standard they don’t even realize is artificial. We’re unintentionally reinforcing a beauty standard that’s been artificially maintained. We’re telling other women that this is the benchmark—and if you don’t look like that, you’ve somehow fallen short. And most of us don’t even realize it’s a moving target we were never meant to hit in the first place.
“We’ve erased the roadmap. Now we don’t even know what aging looks like anymore.”
What Does 38 Even Look Like?
Sometimes I genuinely don’t know what I’m “supposed” to look like. When everyone around me is smoothing out every crease, lifting this and filling that, how am I supposed to feel about my face?
We’ve erased the roadmap. We’ve made aging invisible, and now we don’t recognize it when it’s right in front of us. So instead of celebrating it, we critique it—or we praise the rare exception who seems to have dodged it.
It’s exhausting. And it’s dangerous. Because it leads to women spending more time, money, and emotional energy chasing a version of themselves that may not even be real.
Let’s Talk About the Mental Load
This kind of pressure isn’t just cosmetic—it’s psychological.
We’re told over and over that youth equals beauty, and beauty equals worth. So what happens when we start aging—when we lose what we were told was our currency?
We panic. We overthink. We fixate on photos, or spiral down rabbit holes of serums and lasers and “tweakments.” We compare ourselves to 22-year-old influencers and wonder if we’re doing something wrong.
And this? A lot of this starts with what seems like a harmless compliment.
“Compliment her confidence. Her vibe. Her style. Not her ability to erase the years.”
So, What Can We Say Instead?
Look, I’m not saying we can’t compliment each other. We should! But let’s try to be more mindful.
Tell her she has the kind of confidence that lights up a room. Tell her she seems grounded, strong, radiant, funny, real. Compliment her style, her energy, her vibe—not her ability to appear 10 years younger than she is.
Aging isn’t a flaw. It’s not something to tiptoe around. It’s not something we need to overcome.
It’s a freaking privilege.
Let’s Shift the Narrative
I want to know what women really look like at 38. At 48. At 58 and beyond. I want laugh lines and crinkles and gray hairs that tell a story. I want us to stop whispering about aging and start celebrating it loudly.
Because looking great for your age shouldn’t be the goal.
Looking like you—at every age—that’s where the magic is.
Want more honest convos like this?
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